Citizen Swift

So I watched Orson Welles' infamous Citizen Kane for the first time. It's ranked as the #1 greatest movie of all time by the American Film Institute.

I want a palace, just like Kane, atop a mountain with dizzying towers. You see, I'm a simple soul.

I've taken it upon myself to start shopping- accessorizing a palace is no easy feat. Kane was an amateur, he bought statues. What? Last night I bought a Tyco ELXTRO-ST@IC 3.01 beta lightning machine off of eBay.

I'll need significant bolts to crack the sky when I'm pissed off pacing beside my roaring fireplace.

Crucial.

The seller claimed that it's in mint condition, yet needs to get rid of it because the neighbors were complaining. Lucky for me I won't have any, I'll have subjects. I'll use my machine to keep them in line, or maybe I'll let 'Dennis' out of his chamber. Haven't decided- I'll get back to you.

Also, I'm gonna need servants. Criteria are listed below:
-hunchbacks preferred
-can give a monocle a glossy, streak-free shine
-know Jack Johnson (I need to meet him)
-fart on command
-free willy

I'm a simple soul. Donations appreciated.