Birth

My birth is tomorow.

The flippin' Post Office isn't open and I know I have a package. They're supposed to be open on Saturdays right? Well what the floof! That means my gifts won't be here. That means I won't be able to do my annual roll around in wrapping paper ceremony.

Birth is great. I've seen a birth. I've seen animals birth. I've seen a lot of stuff just get birthed. I even saw my friend's brother get birthed- secret videotape, we won't go there.

Actually it's not great. Its disgusting. There has got to be a better way to make it happen. [ READER WARNING ] I saw puppies get birthed once, and man, the mother ate the placenta and everything. Changed my life.

Just to let the feds know, I'll be smoking a Cuban cigar tomorow. Come on. Throw me in a tire.