Focus

One night last week I was watching infomercials.

FocusFactor is a vitamin supplement that enhances memory, concentration and focus. This particular informercial offered me a free bottle (120 tablets) for 5 bucks shipping. I could not pass this up. So, I ordered a bottle.

I got the bottle in the mail today.

According to the panflet, the correct dosage is 8 tablets per day. OK sure.

Lets just say that blades of grass have never been so interesting.

and... I never really realized how amazing the italics feature is. Ask yourself: "Where would I be without italics?"

In fact, lets start capitalizing Italics like a pronoun.

Moral of the story? Do not take the recommended 8 tablets.

Fish Saga 2

From my 14 year-old brother:

SwIfTiMuNdO: after alot of your fish die you'll need to do the greek alphabet
SwIfTiMuNdO: like the hurricanes
SwIfTiMuNdO: like alpha
SwIfTiMuNdO: beta
SwIfTiMuNdO: ...
SwIfTiMuNdO: cheta

Typical Shower:

Get towel on - make sure Joe (roommate) isn't peaking at my monstrosity

Put on sandals - leprosy, enough said

Get shower gear - in a bucket

Walk in the bathroom - step over drunk kid who is "swimming" on the floor

Get in shower - do not touch the curtains or the surrounding tile, if so, cleanse the infected area, dry and repeat

Piss in the drain

Use soap - college is dirty

Rinse

Dry with towel - if the towel smells, its time to do laundry again

Leave Bathroom - do not attempt to communicate with drunk kid, doing so might result in a lower IQ

Fish Saga

The first week of college I bought a fish. A betta fish.

His name was Jaws. He lasted a little over a month, until he developed a fungus and died. Needless to say, the death of a fish can bring giants to their knees. And thats exactly what happened.

After some serious thought, I decided to go purchase another. His name is Flipper. He's still alive after some hair-raising events.

I woke up this morning and started preparing my usual cup of coffee. Since I'm at college, I don't have much space. My fish bowl rests on a shelf just above my coffee maker- which only brews one cup at a time.

I started checking my email, waiting for the cup to brew. I also got some creamers.

I accidentally poured the creamers into my fish bowl. The crisis has yet to be rectified.

College Writing

Today I sat next to the teacher because someone stole my chair. Asshole, who steals chairs? If you steals chairs mans dont.

She stood and started teaching the lesson. Meanwhile, my eyes started to wander over her paperwork. I spied the attendance roster. Much to my delight, I noticed that she had pencilled in comments about each individual in the class. I noticed the kid from Australia had "Australia" written next to his name. The girl who sits in the corner had "Quiet" next to her name.

Of course, I scanned for my name. Found it.

Swift, David - geek

Sucker of Blog

Yeah I did.

I went out, got the blog. I put the coordinates into the box on my browser, wound up blogging. Blog. Seems to be a popular word these days.

So I got one, you know. Joined the crowd. Am I sad yes. I'm sad. What have I become?

I'll tell you what I've become. I'm no longer a name, I'm no longer Dave Swift. I'm a blogger. A blogger, complete with double consonants between two vowels.

So, what to look for... I suppose nothing. Look for nothing. I mean literally. I'm not talking Seinfeld nothing, even though Seinfeld nothing is funny. I might just put great new links! Ha.

Nah, there should be cool stuff here. Tune in.